CAROL'S HAIR SHAVING PARTY!

Bald is Beautiful!

November 18, 2006 - Well here is the wildest post yet! I have taken a step ahead of loosing my hair fully from my chemo treatments and had a "Hair Shaving Party"! I must admit I truly had an incrediable experience! If I had know it would be so much fun...I would have invited lots of people.

To not build your suspense, I have posted some pictures with my impressions of the evening below. Get ready...this is stitch! I must say it is not my best look but truly I am a bald woman now!

I had been pondering how I might take a little control of my hair loss to come. It was projected that with the first three weeks of my first chemo treatment, I would loose my hair. I decided that I wanted to have the choice of when I would loose my hair instead of being surprised daily with a little bit here and little bit there falling out. On day 15 after my first chemo treatment, I took the plunge!

I received an email from a youth ministry friend of mine from Kanuga conferences that received my blog last week. Janice, from Florida, wrote to tell me she was on the same journey as I. She had a mastectomy the same week I had mine and was undergoing chemo currently. She sent words of encouragment and prayers to me. She also sent me photos of her hair shaving party. I was so deeply touched by her smiling face! The joy her friends shared with her at her party hit my heart in a powerful way! She was a model for me to say..."I can do it". "I will try to do it with grace and joy too!" Thank you Janice for sharing this part of your journey. Please keep Janice in your prayers for her recovery as well as we share this journey of breast cancer from afar!

WELL....I jumped in and decided to do go for it at the last minute. In 48 hours, I was hosting my "HAIR SHAVING PARTY!" The theme on my front door was: "Hair today...Gone tomorrow! Indeed it is now gone!

I am grateful for those who joined in the evening of entertainment. My creative friend, Lisa Shaw, arrived with a plethera of HAIR jokes, stories, trivia, games, a weekend certificates for me to Bald Head Island (Joke), a membership application for the Bald Headed Association which holds their national convention in Morehead City (I even have their conference registration, a photo album of computer inserted hairdo's on my head to imagine what I would look like: Cher, A Conehead, Mona Lisa, etc. The evening was full of laughter for all of us. Thanks Lisa for your witty ideas which brought a ton of fun to the party!

My friends wore wigs, scarves and hats of all sorts! They were so cute! Through the merriment of the evening, I finally said...."Are we going to shave my head?" Then the real FUN began!Everyone was so kind and loving as they shaved my head step by step! It was so wild for me to look at each stage in the mirror. I was freaking out but could not help but laugh because I looked so funny!

First everyone clipped a swatch of hair off my head. Next I got a short cut with the clippers, followed by a mohawk, then the full shave! Everyone took part in helping me step into the next stage of my journey! Thank you for helping this be less traumatic by joining in this experience supporting me!

Thanks to Sue Smith, Nelle Keeley (my St. Mary's College buddies), Mimi Quick (my dear nurse friend and advocate), Lisa Shaw and Lisa Aycock (Youth Ministry buddies who are masters at youthful gaming...they were both a riot!) and my wonderful neighbors, Debbi and Jeff Hazelton. Jeff was a trooper to join all the ladies. I think Jeff had a great time and was definitely most versed with hair cutting. Thanks for all the tips so there were not any accidental cuts to my head!

I must admit...at the end of the evening, I was so incrediably blown away at what joy and hope was given to me as a sincere gift by the group! I really felt that I could go to the next stages of treatments knowing that this part of my anticipation was behind me. I even had FUN!!!!!

I can not believe how much everyone warms my heart day to day as I see my friends, hear from them by phone, email or cards or feel the power of all the thoughts and prayers which are near and far being offered for my healing. God is in the midst of my exchanges with so many day to day. I feel God's embrace of comfort, peace and strength to deal with what is ahead along this journey. For each of these parts of the journey....I say thanks! I truly feel loved and do love all of you so much!!!!

YES....I AM A BALD HEADED WOMAN! It is a wild, wierd, strange and funny feeling to see the difference now. Yet... I really think it is cool and fills me with HOPE for healing along the way. Please continue to pray for all those who suffer from cancer and other illnesses that they may find peace and comfort along their journey as well.

Posts and how they work....

My blog is getting longer so some things are being archived. If you want to see postings from the beginning, click on the archives October 2006 section on the right side of the blog page. You can see what has been written in the past if you are just checking in. Also if you can not figure out how to connect with me...look on the right side and click on my profile and there is a email link to me by clicking on it. Send me a note anytime if you wish.

After the First Treatment...some of what I have felt!

I have been so fortunate this first round. I have had some fatigue off and on. The first week is the toughest. I had a blood count test my second week and all was ok. I have had some bone aches in my back, hips and legs. I thought it was because I was sleeping so much. Nope...Dr. White says it is the chemo acting in the bone marrow. Fascinating though glad to understand that reaction. I have also had two nights of insomnia...that is not me. I believe that is also a side effect of one of my chemo drugs. I am trying to be aware of those around me who might be sick because I may be vulnerable to their germs with my immune system.

With winter arriving...I am trying to be careful as I do not want to complicate things with an illness. Pray that I can avoid any respiratory infections as that is my weakness.

My hair has been thinning and I have just taken the plunge to move into the next stage of baldness. I will write in the next 24 hours about my hair loss. It is very entertaining! See you all during the next posting.

Doctors, Nurses and all the Care Givers in my midst!

I have been reflecting alot on the people involved in my care over the past two months. It really is amazing how many are involved in your journey of cancer. I have been so incredibly amazed at the teams of people who have been in my life over this period of time.

First, it was the kind people of Eastern Radiology who brought the concern to me of a problem with my mammogram. Preparing for a surgical biopsy was done in a most caring way by the radiology staff. The response of the staff of the Surgical Center was exceptional in their response to my anxiety of being put to sleep for the first time. Dr. Habal did the biopsy and he was most calming as I entered the operating room even though I was only awake a few moments.

Next came my contact with Carolina Breast and Oncological Surgery. This was my follow up from the biopsy. Dr. Habal and his office staff are just wonderful! To receive word of my breast cancer at my first appointment was very traumatic! The concern and care of Dr. Habal and his staff was just unbelievable in hindsight. I was quite overwhelmed with the news. To deal with people and the shock of having cancer is a tough job. The staff of Carolina Breast have been absolutely so kind and positive with me each visit.

Dr. Habal is truly a fine surgeon with a heart for his patients. With each surgery, he greeted me in the operating room with a positive attitude and assurance that I would be fine. His prediction thankfully was correct. I do think his forthrightness with me each time and willingness to help me understand my diagnosis has been very helpful. I am grateful for his outstanding skill as a surgeon.

During my first surgery, I was most blessed to have Dr. Ferguson perform a female procedure as well. She has been my gynocologist for years and truly is a Doctor who is has great compassion for her patients and their care. What a team Dr. Habal and Dr. Ferguson were in getting me through two surgeries that day.

At each surgery... my biospy, mastectomy, entrimetrial oblation and my additional lymph node dissection, I was surrounded by exceptional staff who were involved in my operations. I was so fortunate to have two phenomenal anestisiologists from my church, St. Timothy's. Dr. Duncan, the anestisiologist and Valerie Foster, the nurse anestisist. They were right there to make sure I knew I would be taken care of by them. I called them my "St. Tim's angels". They were great even though I did not know alot of what happened. I congratulate them for putting me to sleep so well. Most of all...I commend them for waking me up so efficiently! She is the best! A fellow youth worker of many years too! Valerie was so kind to make sure I knew she would be with me the whole time during my operation. She has been wonderful following up with visits and meals after my operations. What great folks at St. Timothy's who are in the medical field.

There were other great staff in the operating room who cared for me. Those who cared for me in the recovery room and at the hospital overnight after my surgeries were superb as well. I really was so amazed at the commitment to care for patients from each of these professionals. Truly to have gone through these surgeries with the care I received brings much gratitude to my heart.

I have been through multiple scans to access the presence of cancer in my body over these past two months. Of course, I was lucky once again to be greeted by a scan technician, Jane, doing my heart scan who I had done youth ministry with in the past. She was so upbeat with me and encouraging. Once again, a angel in my midst! NOTE: My scans seem to be clear too....That is great news!

Now I have begun my patient relationship with my oncologist, Dr. White, at Physicians East. When I first met Dr. White, she entered the room with the warmest smile on her face and immediately put me at ease. She made a deep impression with me as she explained everything so well about my cancer and the treatments I would be undergoing with chemotherapy. It is so very complex what the treatment does to you both in the healing process as well as what risks one might encounter. I must say all of this is so overwhelming yet I feel I am in the hands of another exceptional Doctor commited to the care of their patient. She has been very positive and honest with me. I really feel she has my best interest in mind with my treatments. I feel very blessed to be under her care for the next 6 months of chemo.

The treatment room for chemotheraphy has a fine set of nurses who are very positive as well. Much to my surprise, I was greeted my first visit by a nurse, Leigh Vincent, who is a young adult whom I have shared in youth ministry in past years. Leigh is from St. Timothy's as well. Wow...to have another St. Tim's angel with me during my chemo treatments also is a gift. The nurse, Becky, who adminstered my first treatments gets the award for her upbeat nature and willingness to ask all my questions. She was a trooper as I asked about everything happening. She was very calming with me during my first experience of the unknown.

I have really realized how significant the medical world is in my journey of healing in my life currently. I truly believe God has been in the midst of each of these encounters. I am being surrounded by people who really care for their patients. For each of them, named and unnamed, I express my deepest thanks for you and what you are doing in my life and for my life! I say prayers of thanksgivings for each of you daily as you walk with me along the journey of breast cancer! THANK YOU!

Another huge angel in my life has been Mimi Quick, who is a nurse as well. Mimi has been there for all my surgeries, for my significant appointments with the Doctors and has stayed with me after my surgeries until I passed the test to be on my own in my recovery from each surgery. Thank you dear Mimi. Having a nurse oversee me has been beneficial. I have had some learning to do in taking care of myself and allowing myself to calm the spirit and allow the healing process to be in motion. What a blessing she has been to me! Thank you my friend.

Other care givers have been those who have brought meals to me (all very yummy)! I have had wonderful offerings from St. Timothy's folk, the diocesan staff, clergy, friends in town and out of town, my family and relatives, my college friends, my camp friends, my diocesan friends and my personal friends from times of the past and present.

During this time I have met some really wonderful people as well. Visiting Dad at Beverly Care has brought a dual sharing of care for my Father and for me. I have shared my journey with the staff of Beverly Health Care who have been very kind to me. They check in to see how I am doing each time I have been to see Dad.

The presence of all these CARING PEOPLE is so wonderful in my life. I have been humbled and so deeply touched.

For each of you...too many to name...I express my deepest thanks for all of you who have been walking along this journey with me! You are in my daily prayers with deep gratitude for your love and concern.

Friends run deep for me!

November 8, 2006 - This afternoon I had a visit from my dear long time friend (20 years now!), Cookie Cantwell of Wilmington. Cookie and I have had so many adventures in youth ministry over these years in the diocese we really could write a book of all the fun escapades! Cookie is the Coordinator of Happening, our faith development program for Senior High Youth. She has been such a light for our young people within the diocese, provincially and nationally.

She brought energy to me today and allowed me to share my tears and hope for healing. She brought so many wishes from our young people which truly touches my heart! To know that this morning's bible study in Wilmington with her youth was about Jesus being alone in the garden without anyone by his side. Yet, as they reflected, he was with his Father who held him in his lowest hour. It was a reminder that I am not alone in this journey. The youth talked about how it must feel for me to be in this garden of cancer and yet I am not alone. I am surrounded by so many in prayer, prayers known to me and not known to me. For all I say thanks each day as I feel the blessings of those near and far from me.

Thanks Cookie for today and a time to reflect on how life has changed and is changing in this prayerful journey towards healing!

Yes, we caught up and begin thinking about future events when I will be well from this cancer. The time is now to deal with this illness but knowing that time ahead will bring new possibilities.

SLEEP...SLEEP....SLEEP!

Tuesday, November 7th - Well....it has been days since I really have had a clear head! I came back from chemo and went to sleep and sleep almost continuously for 4 days. It has been wild to me to feel so groggy headed and depleted. I just let my body do what it needed to do and sleep seemed to be the only thing I could do.

I must say my anticipation of being sick from the drugs has been looming on my mind the whole time. The anti-naseau drugs they gave me during my treatment and the anti-naseau drugs I have taken since I received my treatment have worked!!!! I can not complain for I would much rather sleep than be sick! Yes, I am most thankful for my initial reaction to the drugs. I know each day will be different but for these beginning days I must say.... Thanks for no up-chucks! That is not my favorite past time when sick!

Well I am up late tonight but need to go to sleep again. I will see the oncologist in a couple of day to see what my blood count is and will be scheduling my next treatment. The next big event should be the loss of my hair which will be in 14-21 days! I must say I am anticipating what I will look like! It will be a riot I am sure!

Chemotherapy begins...I am so grateful!

November 2, 2006 - This was truly a full day for me. I began by seeing my surgeon and getting my drainage tubes from my second surgery out to begin chemo today. I am relieved to have that behind me as I begin the next phase of recovery. Dr. Habal, my surgeon and his staff, have been so kind to me each week as I have recovered from the second surgery. They have cheered me on and yet helped me understand that patience with healing from surgery takes time. PATIENCE.....It is a word I have had to weave into my being over the past 8 weeks.

Dr. Habal has been a very kind and caring surgeon during my two surgeries. I have a great deal of respect for him. Dealing with breast cancer patients is his speciality and truly a gift for him. His compassion for his patients is felt sincerely. For me, he has been very reassuring as I have wandered the path of my two surgeries. He has been a guiding light in my next steps. I am grateful for his professionalism and expert care of me as a person, a patient and as a human being. To know he is cheering me on towards recovery has been so helpful! He is an exceptional surgeon!

I went on to the hospital for a PET Scan. This is a fanscinating test in which I was injected with radiation to highlight the glucose in my cells. It is a scan in which the actual cells are studied by seeing if glucose (highlighted from the radiation) goes to cells which might be duplicating into cancer cells. Sitting in a room for a hour in the dark prior to the scan to allow the radiation to flow into my body made me know that I was definitely glowing and radiating inside. In fact, after the scan, I was walked out a different entrance in the nuclear medicine department since I would have interferred with other machines and tests going on. It is wild what can be done in medicine to study our complex bodies.

My dear friend, Mimi Quick, was my companion all day as I had such a packed agenda. She and
I went early afternoon to begin my chemotherapy treatments. I met with Dr. White, my oncologist, who is just delightful and so honest and thorough in her discusssions about my treatment. She bounced in to say it would be a few minutes before she could see me but she wanted me to know that the PET Scan was clear! What great news to get before I began chemo!

At 2:15 pm I entered the chemo treatment room. I must say it is very overwhelming in many ways. I went past 5 different patients who were either in the process of getting IV's of chemo or were getting information about the chemo treatments as I had gotten weeks ago on my first visit to the oncologist. I felt for the young woman and her husband who were getting the yellow packet like I had received about all the dangers of chemo... it is so overwhelming! Each of these people were people whose stories were like mine, yet probably so different, each of us bonded by the drugs which are seeking a cure within our body. It was very humbling to be so vulnerable to such an illness as I felt at that moment.

My new friend and nurse, Becky, greeted me with a smile and readiness to help me understand what I would be doing for the next couple of hours. I began asking questions immediately, one after another, and finally said to Becky..."just tell me everything because I want to know what is happening." She was great! She did just that.

The next two hours I sat in awe as the procedure of injecting me with drugs for naseau were administered and then the two drugs for my first 4 rounds of treatment were given. They are powerful drugs, so I understand, so anticipation of what would happen to me was very close to my heart. I must say... I sat there and began knitting and tried to relax for this part of the journey now was REAL!!!! I had powerful drugs going through my veins trying to eradicate all the cancer cells hiding out in my body. They are going to be hit hard and I sure am going to cheer them onward to their death from my body as best I can!

I really like the nurses in the chemo treatment room. They seem so positive and caring as they checked in on each of us. To my delight, I know one of the nurses, Leigh Vincent, an young adult who is a member of my church. She and I have shared in youth events in the diocese during her high school years. She is another one of the angels God has put in my midst in my treatment time with cancer. It is nice to know she is there indeed!

Well.....2 hours, 45 minutes later the treatment was complete. The needle in my port was removed and I was free to go home. Wow! What was to happen next! Anticipation of how I
was going to feel was surely there as I left with Mimi from a full day with the medical world!

I really felt ok so we went over for me to see Dad at Beverly Care. I was ok... and I wanted him to know it as well. I needed to show I was going to be ok to others. Of course, there was relief for both of us to know I had made it through a much anticipated day! Thank heavens for all those who ministered to me today! Yes, I am grateful that chemotherapy has begun....for I want to complete it as soon as I can.